With Freedom comes Responsibility

Last night was the my first shift off orientation, a few shifts earlier than anticipated. Orientation is a period of 6 weeks where we still work 'underneath' another RN just for the extra guidance and support so we can get used the ward and the systems and thinking like a nurse. I'd been having 3-4 patients during orientation, and last night I had 7. I had done the night shift the night before, and it was chaotic and very tiring, and even though I had slept for 10hours straight when I got home, I was slightly apprehensive before starting last night's shift. However, last night went very smoothly and although we had 3 admissions, nothing drastic happened and I managed to get everything done. I also felt completely awake and on the train and bus home, was able to keep my eyes open. I also only slept for 6hours, a more reasonable amount of time, and was awake throughout the evening to see the sun.

It is quite a big step no longer being in orientation. It means that I am no longer extra hands on a busy shift, but instead required to do my bit and it's all my responsibility. That's one thing that I have really started to think about, everything I do, whether it a mistake or the best thing to do is my responsibility and my decision. My registration and colleagues and my patients rely on me doing the right thing, and not making any drastic mistakes; and in healthcare a small mistake can be drastic. 

Nursing isn't about us, it's about our service.

In the line of healthcare professionals, nurses are often the last one in the line when it comes to decision making. The doctor can prescribe a medication, the pharmacist can deliver the medication, it can be checked by two nurses if required, but the nurse administering the medication has the full responsibility that it is the right thing to do. With this responsibility there are safety precautions to help including the 5 Rights of Administration, where you check it's the right drug, dose, time, route and patient, but even then mistakes can happen. 

Part of my new graduate year requires me to attend study classes and undertake a postgraduate paper. One of the things a speaker said was not to focus on patient centred care, but instead strive to be the best nurse I can possibly be. I've really taken that statement and applied to my nursing, thinking about what I could do to ensure it's the best for my patients. This includes correct infection control, accurate documentation, effective communication with the team and any referrals to offer specialised individual care; and then also thinking about my patients as humans who require food and drink and sleep and comfort and someone to talk to when their scared, someone to laugh with and someone who is honest. As exciting for me as nurse to be able to do all these tasks, it really all falls back onto the small acts and the attitude I hold towards my patients and my nursing care. This is how I will strive to become the best nurse, remind myself that they're human and not just another body in a bed. 

The title of this post With Freedom comes Responsibility portrays exactly how I'm feeling as a new graduate, especially now that I'm no longer in orientation. I am free to make my own clinical judgements, to work as I deem appropriate, and to become the nurse I strive to be, but I also now hold all the responsibility for the actions I take, and for my attitude and my nursing care. I am definitely supported by the team I work alongside, but as part of the team, I must play my part and provide competent and effective care.  

A Dream Come True

Living my dream

Today was my first shift working as a Registered Nurse. I've wanted to be a nurse since I was 13 after reading the 'Sue Barton' book series. On the train on the way to work, I wrote the following:

Today is my first proper shift as an RN, I've got my scrubs on with a purpose, dinner packed, my ID, swipe and watch in my pockets. Walking to the bus stop, I felt like I was walking with a straighter back and a purpose in my stride. This moment makes being a nurse feel so real an incredibly exciting. Today is the day I've dreamed of since I was 13, and after studying for three intense years and aiming my whole life towards nursing, it's finally happening. A dream come true. Nursing is a career where I get to make an impact in peoples lives, to be with them when they're most vulnerable and to provide support and a friendly face through the hard times. I often see my patients out in the street, and they mostly don't recognise me as I'm not in my uniform or in the context of the hospital. It's so great seeing them out enjoying the rest of their lives, looking healthy and back to their normal self in their normal clothes. I look forward to the challenge that nursing brings, this year and for the rest of my life.

- once a nurse, always a nurse - 

Today was an afternoon shift in the short-stay medical ward that I am working in. I know the nursing staff already from my student placement, and felt like one of the team in the same coloured uniform. It's such a small difference, having that distinguishing uniform. The staff and the patients treat you very differently. I had two patients this shift, two admissions. The first was not as straight forward as initially anticipated, very demanding and requiring frequent pain relief and reassurance. The second was a sweet older lady whom was fiercely independent and a great inspiration. The majority of the shift was straight forward, vital signs, pain relief, small comfort measures. But it was the smaller things that made it so realistic for me. The fact I could give oral medications by myself, the fact that I didn't need co-signing on my notes, or permission to anticipate my patients needs. The doctors and other staff were more open to consulting with me and hearing my opinion, and I felt a valued member of the team. Although I felt almost out of my depth, I knew that I was supported and all I needed to do was ask for some help or assistance. 

Just as I was leaving and commenting with the other nurses that I could sign things off independently, I was reminded that this really means that it is all up to my professional responsibility to ensure that everything is completed and my patients are safe. I'm no longer in the safety net of being a student, and as amazing as that sounds to just spread my wings and take the first leap, I'm still a fragile new bird, not quite strong enough or brave enough to fly solo. I have to remember that I am responsible for people's lives, and those people are someone else's mother, father, sibling or child. It's not an easy thing being a nurse, and it'd definitely not something to do alone. It's about the support and guidance and the small steps that make the experience truly life changing and worthwhile.

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Community Calling

"Health care is vital to all of us some of the

time, but public health is vital to all of us all

of the time"

- (C. Everett Koop in Keleher & MacDougall, 2011).

Starting this semester we are looking at Public Health. I prefer calling it Community Health as I recently felt a passion to help in the community. Often we look overseas to where we are needed but after a small debate with a friend, I have really come to realise something. Your local community needs you just as much. As a nursing student I am learning skills that will benefit me and others wherever I am but I've always dreamt of going overseas to help in Africa. This paper has begun to really attacked my own, selfish thoughts, and I'm realising I need to pause in my dreams of working overseas and instead impact and assist the people in my own community.

There is a group called Urban Vision who have some incredible principles that I value. It is about community and getting to people beyond the walls of the Church. A couple I know have moved from this spacious clean house to within the community in a small, dingy flat but they are among the people who they wish to impact. I think that is something key about Urban Vision, they are helping from within. They relate to the people, they aren't people who say things but don't live it and this makes them trusted and appreciated by the people they are working with. Even today we were creating a video about what we dream for the Church nationwide and what we value. I don't know what some of the other participants said but I value the opportunities that come from Church, how it's strengthened my life and values I value the people I meet and the impact they have on my life and how they have helped me grow. I dream that the Church helps locally nationwide, to move out of the building's restraints and live in the community as they people we say we are. I understand that help is needed overseas but help is also needed among the people we live among everyday. 

I wanted to become a nurse after reading some books about a fiction nurse called Sue Barton. The one book that really stood out for me was when she worked as a Henry Street Nurse. They work among the poor people in New York, tending to people's health but also being available and known and trusted by the community.  It made me dream of working among a community where I can really help and as I've said earlier, I always looked overseas. Instead I should have been looking much closer to home and the heart to the people in my own community and country. One story that stood out about the impact they had within people lives was about an old lady who had recently moved and she had lost her spark. Sue had no idea at first how to help her as she was physically well, but as nurses learn, it's about holistic care. All the old lady desired was to sit on the street and watch lives go on about her, be amongst the bustle and the life and was what made her life content. Another story was about finding a home for a baby who's mother was unable to care for, and another family that could not have children and thus the wife was depressed. Sue connected the dots and connected the family, giving life again to the wife with a child and giving peace to the mother about the future of her child.

Basically what I'm telling myself from this post is I need to understand where I can help right here where I am in the world, before I work overseas. Get to know my community and the needs of the community I live in before I can help in another community.

Senses

So it's been 18days since my baptism on Easter Sunday and I just wanted to have a small reflection. Baptism is a big step, a declaration and it's provided me a great opportunity to talk to people about myself that I normally wouldn't. I'm definitely more open about being Christian which has been something I've not been so good at in the past. The main difference I've noticed is a sense of calm and peace, a reassurance. I know I have God on my side, He's still providing me with strength and security that I wouldn't have in myself before. I've been pushing myself because I know He's got my back. And I love this feeling and I love this dedication I have made to God in my life. It's really helped me realise what is important and understand parts of who I am more.

On another note, I've been on my nursing placement for nearly two weeks now and it has been an incredible experience! I've been in a physical rehab ward with 20beds and such a variety in patients and opportunities I have really grown with my nursing. This placement is definitely more nursing orientated with skills and roles, with medications, wounds, paperwork, assessments etc, and we don't really do as many cares any more. Most of the girls are quite pleased with that, but I honestly miss it. I enjoy doing cares as it provides a time in the morning to talk with your patient and get to know their routine. However one thing I do really love about this placement in comparison to rest home work is you see the patients improve and progress and leave to go back home. That makes me happy, to know that from when they first came in, and with your assistance they are now independently able to go home and live how they used to. One of our criteria is to develop a care plan for one patient, and my patient is leaving tomorrow which is sad but I'm also glad to know that he's progressed enough to be fit to go home. I went and said goodbye to him tonight and it was funny thinking I hope I never see you again because I don't want you to become injured or unwell again. But I guess that's part of being a nurse, you assist where you can but it's a specific period of time in which you can interact with them.

One experience I've had on the ward was actually my first fainting. I was watching a DR put an IV cannula into a lady and I had been on my feet for ages, and then standing still whilst watching wasn't helping. At first it felt like there was water all through me and I could feel myself spinning a little but i just shuffled my feet and tried to get the blood moving. I leant over to look closer and then I woke up on the floor wedged between the bed and the beside table. I remember feeling like I was asleep and that it was all a dream, and because I was so exhausted I really didn't want to wake up and was really confused when it was the Dr and my partner in front of me. The main thing I felt after this was disappointment in myself because I felt weak, and pathetic especially since it wasn't even a gory sight, there was no blood at all. So it was mainly from exhaustion, but it was definitely an experience to remember.

Other things that have made my experience incredible have been small interactions with patients, small jokes, them asking for you, hearing their story and just a smile in return. I know it sounds cheesy but it's definitely the small things, and the patients that make nursing so awesome. You go home and am pleased by the day when one person smiled who normally doesn't, when one person was strong enough to take an extra few steps, when they are able to do something independently, as small as holding a fork, or washing their face. These small things make each day wonderful and make you look forward to going back. I know I look forward to seeing how some people progress and just continuing to talk to others, getting to know what they were like, what they love and just being there for them. I believe that is the core to nursing, is acknowledging the small things and recognizing the individualism and who they are.

Recently I have attended many baptisms and each time I've felt the pull to get baptized myself. I have considered it for years but for some reason never said yes. When my friend approached me about a baptism service on Easter Sunday I said yes even though I was about 10% certain. Baptism is a public declaration of your faith in God and there are many different opinions about it. I attend an Anglican church where infants are baptized as the parents dedication of their child to God and the start of their journey, but I grew up in a Baptist church where infants are not baptized. It is left to the older individual, when and if, they get baptized, hence my baptism at the age of 18.

I believe there is little requirement of baptism in your relationship with God, unlike other denominations where baptism is a step required in the journey. Baptism for me is an act of dedication that I can personally give to God, as well as an opportunity to share His love through the actual day with inviting friends who may not attend church but to come simply as my friend. It's not about the day itself, who turns up and who doesn't, but more about a step in my relationship, a commitment of my faith with God.

We were talking in a group, I've been attending for lent, about the reason we come to church. It is said that 80% of christian youth lose their faith when they attend university because of the freedoms and the priorities that change. These next few years are the most important in my life regarding my faith. This concerns me because I know my faults as I often put other things first such as an assignment that is due, rather than praying for a friend I know needs it. I also often don't feel like attending church, but instead go for the social element. We were talking about the importance to have God in our everyday lives, the holy of holy is everywhere, accessible. My faith is important to me, but a challenge to me personally is to really integrate my faith into my everyday approach, prayer, perspectives, behaviour.

The point of this post was about the idea I had for my baptism. I was talking to a friend about her baptism and her sister had chosen a song that they played for her, and I really liked that. B also told me how I should write some songs, and so I thought I could write a song specifically for my baptism. It's considerably harder than I thought but I'm really enjoying the process so far. B is great with music so that helps, and he'll help me record it. But for me to write the lyrics is really hard. I've never been good with words, especially when they matter and I don't trust myself and what I might say.

Until a night last week I was thinking about how it had to be perfect for me, my story, my testimony, but after talking to my friend Katja, she was saying how God doesn't want it to be perfect, He is pleased no matter how it compares to human standards. He is pleased by our hearts, not our results. This really helped me with comprehending the idea that my song is not really for myself, or the others who will hear it, but a means for me to talk to God and for Him to hear me. That's why I've started it by simply saying God please listen to my heart for the right words. Since saying that I've found it easier to write a few things but to be honest, it will never be good enough for me. But it will be more than enough for God and through this process I've really challenged myself with what I feel and love about my life with God.

Growth and Realization

At Church we have had many opportunities to be able to stand up and preach. My first sermon was on the 10 October 2010 and since then I have only spoken a short message since. I am very uncomfortable with public speaking but my reasoning for both times was that God had a message for me to say and to tell others, so I did.

My first sermon was about Trees. We had been studying the book of Matthew at the time and throughout, there were many links or metaphors established to trees. This was an easy one to establish but felt difficult to put across without thinking too far into each metaphor. The main message from this sermon was that the deeper you put your roots into the earth of Christ, the further you can spread your branches and produce good fruit. One section I have pulled out is talking about how a tiny seed, the smallest being the mustard seed grows into a mighty large tree and the link this has to our lives.

A tiny seed has so much potential, just like each and every one of us has a potential and a purpose in life, no matter how significant we may feel. It takes time to grow. Think; is a parent in the delivery room ashamed of the baby? Of course not, they are proud. They know that growth will come with time. So does God. With the support of God we can grow into a large tree, providing support to others and contributing to the world providing life.

From this I have then thought about where God has taken me in the past year and my growth. Although I am unable to see it, I feel different in good and bad ways. I have found that I am able to use my own initiative more, but whilst doing this and experiencing new things, I have also given up on some things that were important to me. One main one is helping with the younger children at church. I used to attend every week and assist, but as time went on and I had other commitments, this one has decreased more and more and I am beginning to miss it considerably. Another very important thing is with the new changes in my life, I have meet new friends, but in doing so, it has been hard to keep in the same contact with my old friends and I have felt the brunt of it many times this year which I regret. But through it all I have felt God guiding me and letting me learn my lessons to understand what is important in my life. I have mended some bridges and realized what I must prioritize. It has definitely not been the easiest of journeys but if you never fail, you can never learn to pull yourself back up again, and through it all God has guided. He brought people into my life and messages that have lifted me back up again and continued with life's ups and downs and my point of view on many things has changed.

Overall I don't really know what this post was about, if it was really anything or just a chance for me to finally put down in words what I've been feeling so that now I even understand it. Looking back now I have really come to realize how much God has helped me without realizing and reminds me that He is always there even when you feel most alone. God bless.

Gifts

Dancing has always been a massive part of my life, and from it, I have had many incredible opportunities and met wonderful people. Dancing is a form of expression, a way to create a world of your own. During my ballet exam, we had been encouraged to imagine a beautiful place and during practices, it had always been a garden. However the Sunday before my exam I was telling my church how I wish to dance for the Lord. This changed the beautiful garden I used to dance in into the Garden of Eden and it was an amazing experience.

Since then I have had to dance on stage a few times, and each experience was really special and I hope my dancing changes so I am dancing for the Lord each time. He is worth it and has given us all gifts that we can use to show off His wonders and praise Him.

Use your gifts for God's glory

Inspiration

To look and to see

What is inspiration? Where do we get our inspiration from? It is for something different or everyone, whether it is a song, a speech or a story, a picture, a garment, a new construction. Inspiration is an important aspect in our lives as it influences our thoughts and our creations. You could easily look at a child’s smile and be motivated for a new advertisement, look at birds sitting on power lines and receive the starting notes for a new musical masterpiece, listen and observe strangers on the street and create the plot for a new best selling novel.

But why do we need to search for inspiration? Why are we suddenly inspired after weeks of hard work? Why do we need to dig deeper than a simple sunset and instead find the new colour scheme for a successful fashion business? To look deeper than what meets the eye?

What are you looking at? What can you see?

We do not need a purpose to look for an inspiration, however we must become more aware of the significance and the natural wonders the world gives us, the adventures waiting to be sought and explored. We need to be more attentive to the minute details to our life and environment that change the whole view and overall success of a creation. Often observing people can inspire as there is life and mysteries hidden behind their faces. But more often we never reflect on ourselves. While inspiration can be personal, an evaluation of an event within your life, sometimes we need someone else’s perspective for us to realise who we really are and our significance to other people. We can use our own knowledge, experiences, and encounters with life to reflect upon. We ourselves are natural inspirations. It is often believed that our subconscious thoughts inspire us. That our childhood memories that are hidden from our memory, but express themselves in different ways. They resurface themselves from deep within, influencing our thoughts and actions. However it can be hard to look deep into yourself, as you are often scared with what you may or may not find out. This could be a cause that stops our true, innate feelings and thoughts to be expressed.

We look but do not see.

The world is not always what it appears as only a small part of it is really seen. It is very uncertain what lies underneath which inspire those who want to face that challenge and dig deep. Those are the people who want to make a difference in the world. They look at the world and at people from a different angle and see things many of us do not. They start to see the world as it really is, not how many people try and portray it to be. Do you want to become one of these people who really see the world, not just look, but see it for what it is beneath the mask that is thrown over our eyes? We do not always look beneath the top cover, below the surface of life. The world, people, colours, nature, what do these have in common? They are very different but each contain some motivation that could change what we know, what we live by.It could develop masterpieces like Shakespeare, DaVinci, Mozart who were influenced and inspired by life, creating immortal works. We can relate to these works and concepts as they express who we are as people. We all live life, and although we are all different, there are many characteristics we can all relate to. Human Nature.

See, do not just look.

So next time you look around where you work, the people you spend each day with, the expressions of nature, look deeper until you become more aware at the wonders surrounding you. Become more observant, aware, and attentive! A smile, a sunset, a drooping flower, a raindrop, anything can be yours if you just look for it!

Joy and Thankfulness

As you may or may not know, I am currently in a show at the moment and I was thinking the other day who I was doing it for.

My friend sent me a text during the week saying that although I’m generally exhausted, my joy needs to comes from God a it says in Nehemiah “don’t be dejected and sad for the joy of the Lord is your strength”. It’s important that I continue to drink up his Spirit, even if I sit for 5minutes and just wait on him, his joy will continue to strengthen us.

So I just wanted to remind everyone that no matter how stressed you are, how much we have on, and little time we have spare, if we rely on God, He will strengthen us and give us Joy. We must also do things for him. It says in Philippians 2:14 “Do everything without complaining or arguing” and I often think that one verse is a good reminder everyday life that the things you do are for God, and you must live out His joy. This is also said in Colossians saying “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as though you were working for the Lord and not for people”.

The opposite of complaining is being thankful so often instead of complaining, you can think of the things you are grateful for. It also says in Philippians to always pray with a thankful heart. So I finish now by saying be joyful and live your life God’s way.

Mia's 1st Birthday!

This post will be different from my usual ones but its important. As it says on Bayla's blog, it was Mia's 1st Birthday on Saturday! She is such a big girl now!!! This blog is just posting some pictures that I took to show her special day!!! But are of Mia so should be shown to the world!

This is a picture of our (Bayla, Snusan and I) 

decorating the house like

 a rainbow!

Bayla beforehand

Mia's Friend Thomas

Mia's Friend Summer

Mia unwrapping presents!!

The Very Hungry Caterpillar Book! Cool!

Bayla's Present - my first kiwi - especially from Eketahuna!

Welshies Present - rainbow leg warmers.

Mia wearing our present! So cute!

A dolly! Her first!

Susan and Bayla watching her unwrap

Mia / Maz blowing out the candle

Mia and Summer playing together

Mia reading one of her cards. Notice she has a cup in her hand. 

She wouldn't put it down basically the whole time 

and Maz said she was likely to take it to bed with her as well!

Our adorable birthday girl! (she still has the cup)

So thats some pictures from Mia's Birthday party who is such an adorable 1year old!!!