Recently I have attended many baptisms and each time I've felt the pull to get baptized myself. I have considered it for years but for some reason never said yes. When my friend approached me about a baptism service on Easter Sunday I said yes even though I was about 10% certain. Baptism is a public declaration of your faith in God and there are many different opinions about it. I attend an Anglican church where infants are baptized as the parents dedication of their child to God and the start of their journey, but I grew up in a Baptist church where infants are not baptized. It is left to the older individual, when and if, they get baptized, hence my baptism at the age of 18.

I believe there is little requirement of baptism in your relationship with God, unlike other denominations where baptism is a step required in the journey. Baptism for me is an act of dedication that I can personally give to God, as well as an opportunity to share His love through the actual day with inviting friends who may not attend church but to come simply as my friend. It's not about the day itself, who turns up and who doesn't, but more about a step in my relationship, a commitment of my faith with God.

We were talking in a group, I've been attending for lent, about the reason we come to church. It is said that 80% of christian youth lose their faith when they attend university because of the freedoms and the priorities that change. These next few years are the most important in my life regarding my faith. This concerns me because I know my faults as I often put other things first such as an assignment that is due, rather than praying for a friend I know needs it. I also often don't feel like attending church, but instead go for the social element. We were talking about the importance to have God in our everyday lives, the holy of holy is everywhere, accessible. My faith is important to me, but a challenge to me personally is to really integrate my faith into my everyday approach, prayer, perspectives, behaviour.

The point of this post was about the idea I had for my baptism. I was talking to a friend about her baptism and her sister had chosen a song that they played for her, and I really liked that. B also told me how I should write some songs, and so I thought I could write a song specifically for my baptism. It's considerably harder than I thought but I'm really enjoying the process so far. B is great with music so that helps, and he'll help me record it. But for me to write the lyrics is really hard. I've never been good with words, especially when they matter and I don't trust myself and what I might say.

Until a night last week I was thinking about how it had to be perfect for me, my story, my testimony, but after talking to my friend Katja, she was saying how God doesn't want it to be perfect, He is pleased no matter how it compares to human standards. He is pleased by our hearts, not our results. This really helped me with comprehending the idea that my song is not really for myself, or the others who will hear it, but a means for me to talk to God and for Him to hear me. That's why I've started it by simply saying God please listen to my heart for the right words. Since saying that I've found it easier to write a few things but to be honest, it will never be good enough for me. But it will be more than enough for God and through this process I've really challenged myself with what I feel and love about my life with God.